Mad World
by theescapist99
Summary: After meeting a strange man, Gerard finds himself in a world he's only seen in his dreams. Can he find his way out? Should he find his way out? Frerard.
1. The Offer

A/N: Woah, I finally remembered how to add section dividers on this website. :O Well, I apologize for my absence on here lately. I will try to post more stories (like a certain Gerard torture story I have) on here more often.**  
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**Mad World**

**(Subtitle: "A Story By Me Where Nothing Horribly Bad Happens To Gerard")**

**Chapter One: The Offer**

Gerard scrambled on the bus, desperate for shelter and safety. Not from apocalyptic catastrophe or brain eating zombies, but from the grips of his rabid fans as they clawed and screamed at him. It had been just another show on the World Contamination tour, but the fans seemed particularly crazed this evening. Gerard had for a moment thought he would be engulfed into a lake of teenage girls, never to emerge again.

Panting, he looked upon his sympathetic band mates as the door shut behind him.

"You okay bro?" Mikey grabbed Gerard's shoulder as the singer was doubled over, trying to catch his breath.

"...fucking fans... fucking ambushed me..." was all Gerard could make out.

"Yeah dude, it's like they planned it tonight." Frank nodded. "I've never seen so many people."

Gerard looked down at himself and frowned when he saw that his shirt had been torn slightly. "Fuck!" he yelled in exasperation, "I really fucking liked this shirt!"

"I'm sorry dude." Ray shook his head. "Here, have something to take the edge off." He handed Gerard a styrofoam cup filled with a clear liquid that smelled strongly of alcohol.

Mikey shook his head in disapproval. "Nu-uh, that's too strong for him."

"Oh c'mon Mikey..." Frank intervened. "Look at the poor thing, he's dying! You don't want your brother's head to explode do you?"

Gerard only then realized that Frank and Ray themselves had already had a few, as there were subtle slurrs to their sentences. The ever sober Mikey still stood his ground however, looking irked at both of them.

"Just to get a little buzz going." Ray winked "You don't have to get shitfaced."

"It's therapeutic." Frank chuckled.

"Gerard..." Mikey stared at him with a look that pleaded him not to do it.

Gerard was at a loss. He didn't want to go against Mikey, but he really was in need of something to keep him sane tonight. Just a few sips. Just a little buzz. Just to get him through the night. And since Frank and Ray were already intoxicated, he surely did not want to be left out of the party.

Averting his eyes from Mikey's no doubt disappointed expression, Gerard grabbed the cup from Ray's hand and took a sip.

A sip turned into a few more sips. A few sips turned into a big gulp. A gulp turned into multiple gulps, and well - you get the idea. Ray and Frank were too trashed to notice anything. A thin lipped Mikey tried to hide behind a comic that he was obviously not really reading. No one saw just how drunk Gerard was getting, not even Gerard himself.

Gerard was guzzling down jugs of Finlandia and Jack Daniel's like no tomorrow. While back in his hay day this was perfectly normal, Gerard seemed to have forgotten all about the idea of loss of tolerance. The alcoholic Gerard might have been able to stomach all the booze, as he drank alcohol on a constant basis - but present day Gerard had not drank alcohol for some time. So naturally, it wasn't long before Gerard was tucked away in a dark corner, feeling insanely delirious and ill.

That was when he saw him.

Now mind, Gerard was at the point where he would find it perfectly acceptable for an elephant to start walking through their tour bus. So when a random man sat down next to him, Gerard did not find it strange at all.

"Not feeling so good?" the man asked him in a pleasant voice.

Gerard shook his head, and regretted it instantly. Nausea had begun to attack him already.

"Rough night ay? Those fans of yours can be some really crazy fucks..." the man laughed.

Gerard held his head as he muttered under his breath. "I hate them..." This was not necessarily true, of course, but it certainly felt that way at the time.

"They shower you with money!" said the man.

"I don't care..." Gerard was really beginning to sweat, "I don't want the money... I don't want the fame... I just wanna be left the fuck alone..."

"How much do you want it?"

Gerard looked up at him curiously, painfully.

"Why?" he asked.

"What if I can take it all away? All the money, all the fame? What if I could give you a perfectly normal life, without all the craziness?" the man offered. There was something about this man that Gerard trusted.

"Then I'd love you forever..." Gerard laughed.

"So you agree?" the man asked.

"Yeah sure, whatever..." Gerard was beginning to lull into a state of sleep. A few minutes later, he completely knocked out. He thought he heard someone calling his name just before he slipped away.

* * *

><p>Gerard awoke with a start. Daylight hit his eyes, and he felt blinded for a moment. He tried to blink himself awake, then yawning and stretching. It was then he realized he was not on the usually stiff mattress of his bunk bed. No, this bed was far too soft and comfortable.<p>

Now more alert, he looked around. He was in a medium sized bedroom. It was quaint, and cozy. Not at all resembling the fancy, high techy bedrooms of many of his friends. No, he did not recognize this bedroom at all. It had pinstriped, orange wallpaper. Chestnut dressers and drawers, and one long one with a vanity mirror. No photos.

What had happened last night? Did they end up staying over someone's house? Had they been kidnapped?

Looking to his side, it was only then he realized there was someone in the bed next to him. He had to lower the blankets a bit to see - and when he did, they unveiled a sleeping Frank Iero.

Gerard shook him awake.

"Frankie! Frankie!" Gerard prodded, trying to keep his voice down.

Frank mumbled slightly, evidently coming out of his slumber. He blinked his eyes open and stared up at Gerard.

"Yeah Gee, what is it?"

"Where are we?"

"What?"

"What happened last night? Where are we? Whose house is this?" Gerard fired questions rapidly at a very confused looking Frank.

"Sweetie, are you feeling okay?" Frank asked, and then placed a hand on Gerard's forehead as to check for fever.

"Yeah..." Gerard contemplated, "Well I remember not feeling good when I drank after the show last night, but.."

"Show? What show?" Frank raised an eyebrow at him, now looking genuinely worried.

"The show we played?" Gerard shot back at him.

"We were just up watching TV last night..." Frank told him. "...you didn't drink at all. Are you sure you didn't dream this?"

"I..I..." Gerard was at a loss for words.

"Well you look a bit flushed. Maybe you are coming down with something." Frank remarked, "I told you to wear your sweater last week. I'll prepare us breakfast, then."

Frank then got up and put on an outfit Gerard had never seen before - and Gerard had seen all of Frank's outfits. As Gerard looked down at himself, he saw that he did not even recognize the pajamas he himself had on.

Then, Frank walked over to Gerard and quickly kissed him on the lips. Gerard tensed. Frank gave him another concerned look, picked up what looked to be a cell phone from the dresser, and then left the room.

Gerard was left with his mouth dangling open from shock. What had just happened?

After a while of just sitting there, Gerard finally decided to investigate further. He got up from bed and first look around to see if there was anything he owned laying around. He looked for his iPhone but could not find it at all, noticing there was an Android phone being charged on the dresser instead. As he looked, he spared a quick glance at the vanity mirror. He jumped to see his brilliant red hair missing. His locks were black once more. Although he was even more shaken then, he decided it was the least of his troubles.

After finding absolutely none of his possessions , Gerard open the door to find himself facing a staircase.

Along the staircase, he noticed framed photos on the wall. Gerard decided this might be a good start. He walked down it, staring at each photo.

He had a similar staircase in his and Lindsey's house in Los Angeles, that was decorated with awards that My Chem had received. This one however, was instead aligned with family photos. HIS family photos. Pictures of Donna and Donald Way. There was a picture of Gerard and Mikey - except Mikey looked different. He still had glasses and his natural hair color, but he looked older and more mature. There were also pictures of Mikey with some blonde man Gerard did not recognize. And then, Gerard recognized some photos of Frank's father and cousins.

At the end of the line, Gerard was met with photos of himself and Frank. Gerard inspected them. They were professional photos of both of them in suits. In each one , Gerard could be seen holding Frank's hand.

These were wedding photos.

This had to be some crazy dream. This just had to be.

He heard noises coming from the nearest room, and the aroma seeping through its passageway told him this was the kitchen. Now nearly shaking, Gerard went inside it.

Frank was frying up some eggs in a pan. He spun around when he heard Gerard come in.

"Hi baby, I'm just making some eggs. I was going to bring them up to you but since you someone's impatient..." Frank poured the eggs from the pan to a plate.

Gerard sat down at the table uneasily, and Frank placed a meal in front of him. As he stared at his food, he frantically tried to remember what happened the night before.

Eventually he did remember the mysterious man and his mysterious offer. Yet everything was so fuzzy - he could not have remembered what the man looked like or any other details. Anyhow, there was no possible way that that man had really sent him into some alternate existence.

Still, the green eyed boy in front of him was telling him otherwise. Gerard thought for a moment that maybe it was a prank that the guys were pulling. And then Frank turned around to retrieve some orange juice from the fridge.

No scorpion tattoo.

* * *

><p><strong>Next chapter: A confused Gerard meets the mystery man again, and learns about what his life could have been.<strong>


	2. The Deal

**Chapter Two: The Deal**

Gerard paced the small area that was apparently his bathroom. He had to get out of here. He had to get out. He had to find his way back. He had a life he needed to get back to! Gerard was still holding on to the idea that this may be just some insane dream. All he needed to do is just wake up...wake up...

"Feeling better?"

Gerard jumped ten feet in the air as he heard the voice behind him. He spun around and saw a man standing in the bathtub. A Caucasian man, who was tall and lanky, skinny and pale. Still, he had a pleasant demeanor as he wore a pinstriped suit, bow tie, dress shoes, and wore a winning smile. Slicked back light brown hair. He reminded Gerard slightly of Bob Saget.

"You!" Gerard screamed as he pointed a finger at that man, as though there were anyone else in the room he could have been referring to, "You're the one who got me into this fucking mess!"

The man chuckled. "My dear boy, you're the one who agreed. I was only doing you a favor."

The man spoke in a calm tone, but there was something in his voice Gerard didn't like. Something that sent chills down his spine.

"Y- you put things right! Send me back! Right now!" Gerard demanded, trying to sound stern.

"I'm afraid it doesn't work that way. You're stuck here for at least the next two months." the man told him.

"What doesn't work that way? What is this? What the fuck did you do to me?" Gerard screamed.

"I didn't do anything apart from what you asked for, Mr. Way. I took away the fame and the fortune. All of this, is simply what would have happened had you never become famous."

"Bu - I - " Gerard stammered. There was no way this was seriously happening. The man smiled at him, and Gerard got the feeling he was enjoying this.

"Mr. Way, I assure you your absence is not even noticed in the other reality."

"You mean the real reality." Gerard argued, "So you're saying my wife and my brother - they're not even noticing I'm gone?"

"Well, they're not noticing because they themselves are not there. After all, what is reality other than whatever we're perceiving at the present moment? One can't have two realities. While you are here, Mr. Way, this is your reality. The other one does not exist."

"So wait... you killed my other reality?" Gerard gaped. "The one with my daughter? And my wife? And all my fucking possessions?"

"Oh don't be so accusing." the man scoffed. "I merely - put it on hold. In a sense. To make way for your new, better reality."

Gerard made a face at the word "better".

"Give it two months, Mr. Way. However, in two months, if you still disagree - you have a way out." the man then pulled a handgun from within his suit, than instantly made Gerard take three steps back. "All you have to do is kill yourself."

"You're joking." said Gerard.

The man laughed. "No, no, quite serious. Kill yourself - in any way you like. You won't really be committing suicide, of course. You'll die in this reality - but you'll wake up in your old one as though none of this had ever happened. You'll be back to all your riches, and power, and glory." the man checked his watch. "...Well I really must be going Mr. Way. Busy, busy day ahead of me!"

"Who are you?" Gerard finally asked.

The man smiled at him. "You can call me Kenneth."

Kenneth then grabbed the shower curtain and swished it around the tub. Gerard stared for a moment before he stepped forward and pulled the curtain back. But Kenneth was gone.

* * *

><p>Gerard walked downstairs to find Frank - or at least this "bizarro Frank" - sitting on the sofa a living room, watching TV. Gerard took in the living room. Like the rest of the house, it was cozy and quaint looking. Although it looked as though it was more suited for an 83 year old grandmother than two 30 year old men.<p>

Gerard then saw that Frank was watching Two and A Half Men. Gerard hated that show. He sat down next to Frank anyway, eyeing the bag of Doritos Frank was putting away.

"Hey honey." Frank smiled at him, noticing his presence. Gerard winced a little. While he and Frank had always been close, Gerard wasn't sure how he felt about Frank calling him things like "honey" or "baby" every time he addressed him.

It wasn't that he would be opposed to dating Frank, but being married to him was moving a bit fast. Especially seeing as he was so used to treating Frank like one of the guys - just a really great "dude" he's always hung out with.

"Hey... sweetie." Gerard said with extreme awkwardness. "So... just out of sheer curiosity here...does the name My Chemical Romance ring any bells for you?"

"Um, well yeah... why?" Frank blinked.

Gerard's heart skipped a beat. Frank knew what he was talking about. Perhaps MCR did exist in some shape or form?

"What..." Gerard was trying to word things in a way that did not sound very strange, but it soon became obvious that this was impossible to do. "..what do you know about it?"

Frank was now giving him that same concerned look he had given him before.

"It was the band that you and Mikey started years ago. It was how we met."

"So... so are we still in that band now?"

"No, Gerard. We started dating and we all decided that we should quit the music scene after you started drinking too much. The band was heading nowhere anyway. Are you seriously telling me you forgot how we first got together?"

"Uh..." Gerard did not know how to answer that question without sounding like a total jerk. If he told Frank the truth, he'd sound like an absolute lunatic. Gerard just sat there pouting instead, not knowing what to say.

"Gerard, you tell this story all the time." Frank said quietly. "You were acting weird this morning too... I mean, I was willing to let that slide, but this is just... are you sure nothing's wrong?"

"I don't know..." Gerard said, burying his face in his hands. Frank looked at him sympathetically.

"Oh.." Frank remembered, "Also, Ryan from work called. He wanted you to fax him those papers today."

"What?" Gerard stared, now looking even more miserable than he did before.

"The records...from work... he wants you to fax them."

"Oh. Where do I work, again?" Gerard tried to ask as innocently as possible.

"Are you fucking with me, Gerard?" Frank raised an eyebrow.

"Apparently."

"What?"

"Never mind."

Frank now looked irritated. Gerard smiled at him apologetically, but when Frank's expression did not change, his smile turned into a frown. He fiddled with his thumbs.

"I'm serious Frankie. I just.. I'm having a really bad memory day."

"Gerard, a bad memory day is forgetting where you put your keys and then forgetting to turn off the stove. You forgot where you work and how we met?" Frank looked at him with disbelief. "No, this is serious, Gee. We have to call the neurologist. I'll make an appointment now."

Frank got up from the couch and left Gerard alone to dwell. Gerard noticed that there were papers on the coffee table in front of the television. It had looked as though Frank was looking at these before he came in. Gerard leaned over and picked one up.

Gerard's eyes widened. These were forms from an adoption agency. Were they adopting a child together? He scanned the papers quickly, and on the last one, he very clearly could see his own signature on the dotted line.

* * *

><p><strong>Next chapter: Gerard meets up with Mikey and sets out to find the missing links.<strong>


	3. Common People

**Chapter Three: Common People**

Frank informed him that they would be seeing the neurologist in 3 days. Which gave Gerard 3 days to either get the hell out of here somehow, or piece everything together.

He had gone upstairs and grabbed the Android phone on the dresser. Logic told him that this was most likely his phone. He wondered why he would get an Android, as iPhones did not essentially cost very much either way, but he shrugged it off.

Sure enough, he turned it on to see that there was picture of Frank as his background. Although, it was a very cute picture of Frank. He unlocked it and went straight to his contacts. Gerard wanted to know who still knew him.

His contact list was indeed very different from that which was on his iPhone. There was no Bert McCracken, no Billie Joe Armstrong, no Leto brothers, no Grant Morrison, no Lindsey Way. The only names he recognized on the list were Mikey's, his mother's, his father's, Frank's, and a few people he knew before the band. Gerard wondered if he even knew Ray in this reality.

Gerard hesitated, but then decided to call Mikey. He might freak Mikey out just as he did Frank, but Mikey was probably the best start to helping him piece his life together again. Plus, he had to know how his little brother was doing.

The phone rang a few times, and his nervousness increased with each ring. Finally a voice broke through the other end.

"Hello?"

Gerard smiled at the sound of Mikey. He almost felt a bit more at home, just hearing him.

"Hey Mikes."

"Hey Gee!" Mikey perked up. "What's up? I haven't heard from you in quite a while."

Gerard's smile faltered a bit. It did not occur to him that there was a possibility that Mikey might not be as close to him as he was in the real reality. In fact it would make sense - if the band never existed, then Mikey and Gerard probably never went through the trials and tribulations of drug addiction together. They would have never been crammed together in buses and hotel rooms for months at a time, having nothing but each other to keep themselves sane.

"Um...I was wondering if you could come over?" Gerard hesitated. It had also just occurred to him that he had yet to check what state they were in, let alone if Mikey lived in the same one.

"Why? Are you okay?" Mikey sounded worried. The real Mikey would never have asked. He would have just said yes, hung up, and headed over. Gerard felt a sense of disappointment.

"Yeah, I'm fine..." Gerard lied. "I just um... felt like catching up."

"Oh.. um... well... that's a bit random, but yeah. I could probably be over in about 2 hours. I just need to wait for Ryan's laundry to finish."

"Oh, okay thanks. I'll see ya?"

"See ya then, bro."

Mikey hung up, and Gerard put down the phone. He collapsed onto the bed, wondering who the fuck Ryan was. He then noticed a laptop perched on the night stand. He grabbed it and turned it on.

The wallpaper again was another picture of him and Frank, their arms wrapped lovingly around each other. Gerard wondered if they were like those really lovey dovey couples that were obnoxious and annoying. He certainly hoped not. He was definitely not some bitter, unromantic person - but he certainly still liked to keep a certain sense of dignity in a relationship. He and Lindsey were never like that. They were always pleasant, but subtle. And that was just the way Gerard liked things.

He opened Firefox, which took him to Google. Instantly, he typed in the words "Mindless Self Indulgence".

The results page looked no different than what would have happened had he typed it in the other reality. He browsed their main website and did notice that the band was still quite active, whereas in the real reality, the band was in fact dead. He then noticed that they were on tour. He checked the dates, and there were quite a few of them. All of them in America as well. Gerard frantically tried to find a way to figure out what state he was in. Luckily, he found a green wallet in the first drawer of the nightstand. He opened it and pulled out the driver's license. It was his. He scanned it and found the word: Vermont. They lived in Vermont.

He looked at the tour page again desperately, and low and behold: Killington, Vermont was indeed in their plans. Excited, he wrote down the address.

A more properly dressed Gerard came downstairs after the doorbell had rang. Frank seemed to have gotten it first, and was looking rather confused as to why Mikey Way was on their doorstep. Mikey looked a little confused as well.

It was odd, seeing him without the crazy, professionally done hair. Mikey just looked very - average. His hair was its original light brown. He still wore glasses. He looked like Mikey did in the Three Cheers era, except older and with a bit more acne. And a very preppy looking attire.

"Hey Mikey." Gerard greeted him. Mikey smiled back. "You wanna go get some coffee?"

"Sure." Mikey nodded. "You got some?"

"I meant... go out to get some. Like at Starbucks."

Mikey made a face. "I don't know, Starbucks is kind of expensive..."

"I'll pay." Gerard sighed. "Let's just go yeah?"

"Well.. alright." Mikey shrugged.

Gerard turned to Frank and said "Bye." before started out the door. But as he turned, he heard Frank loudly clear his throat. Gerard looked at him, not understanding what he wanted.

"Well where's my kiss?" Frank looked at his oblivious husband.

"Oh, right." Gerard blushed before placing a kiss on Frank's notably soft lips. It felt very strange kissing Frank, especially since Gerard was not sure if the kisses were supposed to be romantic or casual. His kisses with Lindsey were always more casual. So with Frank, they just came out kind of awkwardly.

Frank however, still looked a bit cross. He turned towards Mikey. "Watch out for this one, will you? He's been acting kind of weird."

Mikey nodded in a way that said "Yeah, I kind of got that."

An embarrassed Gerard followed Mikey out of the door, feeling as though the day ahead of him was indeed going to be a long one.

* * *

><p>They were in line for Starbucks. The blonde woman that was ahead of Gerard placed her order and left her spot, allowing Gerard to step up to the cashier. The teenage girl behind the cashier looked at him expectantly. He stared at her for a very long time. The girl began tapping her foot. Gerard continued to stare, also as though he were waiting for something.<p>

"Dude. What are you doing?" Mikey finally asked him from behind.

Gerard came to his senses, then shook his head at his own stupidity. Celebrity Gerard Way could go into Starbucks and get handed his free coffee - but not this Gerard Way. Not him.

"One regular coffee." Gerard sighed, as he got out his wallet.

Once they both had their drinks, although Mikey got a cappuccino and chips instead, which made Gerard wince, they sat down and faced each other in awkward silence for over a minute or two.

"So um, do you like the band Mindless Self Indulgence?" Gerard asked suddenly. Mikey thought for a moment before replying with, "I've never heard of them."

"Oh." Gerard frowned. "Well they're really good. And their coming to town in about a week for a show in Killington. I was wondering if you'd like to go with me?"

"Why don't you take Frank? Isn't he always your little concert buddy?" Mikey said as he threw a chip in his mouth.

"Oh... um... he's busy." said Gerard, realizing that that was a really poor lie.

"Oh." Mikey said, "Alright well give me a CD. I'll probably go unless they totally suck."

Gerard laughed. After that little ice breaker, the conversation was much more comfortable. Mikey continued to yap on about Ryan. It soon became clear that this Ryan was some sort of lover of Mikey's. Whether boyfriend or husband, Gerard did not know. He felt the impulse to ask if Mikey spoke to anyone named Alicia, but he bit his tongue. He already had one person thinking there was something wrong with him. So for most of the conversation, he kept quiet, hoping that Mikey would let slip bits of information about people he knew. When he asked Gerard how he had been, Gerard replied with a simple "Good.".

"Hey." Mikey's tone dropped suddenly. "Well thanks for calling me over. It was nice, really. Finally getting to catch up. I worry about you, ya know? I'm glad to know that you're doing okay."

"Why - why don't you come over more often?" Gerard braved.

"I don't know Gee. It's partly my fault, I know. After Ryan and I got married, I just got so wrapped up in trying to build this life with him. But hey - you know you have the tendency to vanish on us a lot. You're always shutting everyone out. And with Andrew coming into our lives soon, that's going to have to change. I want to be a part of my nephew's life too Gee, don't forget that."

Andrew? Is that the child they were adopting?

"I won't." Gerard simply smiled at him.

"Promise?"

"Promise. And we'll hang out more. We have to. I can't imagine life without you." Gerard told him, with more meaning to those words than this Mikey could ever know. Still, Mikey seemed to understand to some degree.

"Feeling's mutual, Gee." Mikey said as he rustled Gerard's hair.

* * *

><p><strong>Next chapter: The doctors and going back to work.<strong>


	4. Misplaced Affections

**Chapter Four: Misplaced Affections**

"I recommend you see Dr. Ron Shultz. He's a good friend of mine, and a counselor that may be able to assess as to why this is happening."

The neurologist that sat before them was a stout, chubby man. He wrote an address and a phone number down on paper with his fat, stubby fingers. He had diagnosed Gerard with an idiopathic, mild case of amnesia.

Gerard had tried his best to elude seeming insane, but they had drilled him and stumped him with questions for about an hour now, most of which he was unable to answer. He sat in his chair feeling ashamed and uncomfortable, despite knowing it wasn't really his fault. This perhaps had something to do with Frank's facial expression, which looked as though his head was going to explode with concern.

Yet something was even more troubling. The doctor had asked if Gerard was on any medications. Gerard nearly answered no, but then Frank said yes. Gerard then heard Frank tell the doctor that he was in fact still dealing with clinical depression, and that he took medication to try to stabilize it. But sometimes, they did not help.

This was terrible news for Gerard. It was not even the fact that he was still battling depression, which he had hoped to never feel again - but he and medication did not mix well. The Gerard from this life perhaps could take prescription drugs, as he never did get driven into drug addiction by fame and fortune. However rock star Gerard had, and while he had been able to have a drink here and there, antidepressants were something he had never touched again.

"You're all set." the neurologist smiled at them and gave them the paper with his referral on it. Frank took it, they both thanked the doctor, and left.

* * *

><p>When they went to bed that night, Gerard could not help but notice Frank was looking very stressed. He was pale and appeared scared or nervous. As they watched TV, he fidgeted a lot and did not seem to be paying attention at all.<p>

After a while, it became impossible to ignore. So, Gerard paused the Twilight Zone on their Netflix and turned to Frank, asking "What's the matter Frankie?"

Frank stared at him for a moment. It looked as though he was deciding whether or not he should answer truthfully. Finally, he uttered out, "I - I'm just really worried about you Gerard. I'm really scared that you might be getting worse..."

"Oh, Frankie. Come here." Gerard pulled him into a tight embrace, and as he did, he felt his shoulder damped with Frank's tears. Frank squeezed Gerard in his own muscular arms. They stayed there just holding each other in silence for nearly thirty minutes. Gerard ran soothing circles on Frank's back. Gerard himself felt very comfortable and secure in Frank's grasp, as though no harm could ever come to him - for he was protected.

Part of Gerard told him not to get too attached. That this wasn't his Frank. That he'd be leaving this reality and everyone in it soon enough. Yet there was some part of his heart that still broke to see this Frank so stressed and upset. It was as though the Gerard that existed in this reality, the Gerard that had married Frank Iero and never became a famous rockstar, was reaching out from somewhere inside him. Trying to comfort the man he loved.

"Don't be scared Frankie." Gerard spoke to him in a gentle tone. "I'm just fine. I'm just having a bad week or something, that's all. It's nothing to worry about."

"Baby, we're starting a family together." said Frank as he pulled away from the embrace, "You know how long I've wanted this. But adopting is a big responsibility. I'm just nervous that you might have something serious that might get in the way of that."

"I understand." nodded Gerard. "Well hopefully, we'll see the counselor and everything will be okay. Maybe.. maybe I can just take medication for it. And then it'll be fine."

"I hope so." Frank sighed, "I love you, Gee. And I'm so, so proud of how strong you've been. I know you'll be a great parent either way."

"Yeah." Gerard smiled sadly, "I think so too. You'll make a great parent as well, honey."

"I wouldn't be one with anyone else." Frank grinned.

Frank cuddled up to Gerard and placed an arm around him. They shared a tender kiss and Gerard pressed himself against Frank's forehead as he reached out and stroked his raven hair. All the while, a voice in his head reminding him repeatedly: _This isn't my Frankie._

* * *

><p>When Gerard woke next, he felt himself being shaken violently. He bolted up, still slightly expecting to be in the tour bus with the guys. However his disillusion lasted mere seconds, and he remembered where he was. Frank had been the one shaking him awake.<p>

"Babe, you're late for work!" Frank looked at him with wide eyes.

Gerard mumbled some gibberish as he tried to wake himself up. He glanced at the clock and saw that it was only 9 AM. Where the hell did he work anyway? He knew he was going to have to ask. He did not want to worry Frank even more, but there was no way he could get to work without even knowing what he did. Of course, he could always just say he was going, and wander off somewhere else entirely, but that would just be unethical.

So, his shoulders sulked in defeat, he turned to Frank and stupidly asked, "Frankie, what do I do and where do I work?"

Frank stared at him with a baffled expression.

"Just humor me, please?" Gerard pleaded.

"You're a cancer registrar at the St. Ann's hospital two blocks from here." Frank told him.

"Right." Gerard nodded as he got dressed in whatever he could find. "I remember, I just um...I was just testing you."

He looked up and saw Frank was looking at him with a highly unamused expression from the bed. Averting his gaze, he grabbed his phone and entered in "St. Ann's hospital" in Google Maps. It located an address just as Gerard was finished dressing up.

More used to the routine, Gerard stopped to kiss Frank on the lips before heading out the door and off to work.

* * *

><p><strong>Next chapter: The counselor's.<strong>


	5. Session I: The Butterfly Effect

**Session I: The Butterfly Effect**

They were at the counselor's at last. The man that sat before them was thin, with squinty eyes. A man dressed in a suit as though he were some sort of lawyer. He rarely made eye contact, instead focusing on the pad on which he wrote. Gerard was glad that Frank had been allowed to come in with him because this man was so far from welcoming, he was almost a little scary. Gerard was finding it difficult to open up based on that alone.

They were asking Gerard to recall anything he remembered. Frank kept a reassuring hold on his hand the entire time, which Gerard appreciated deeply. There was something very familiar about it. He wondered if he was this supportive with Jamia. If so, she was indeed a very lucky woman.

He thought long and hard. He recounted his childhood correctly, much to everyone's relief. Yet it was after they hit the formation of My Chemical Romance that everything went blank. Well, not exactly blank, as Gerard could remember everything after that from the other reality. Just not from this one. It made sense, as this seemed to be the fork in the road for both realities - but that wasn't exactly something he could explain to them. It wasn't like you could say a man who looks like Bob Saget placed you into an alternate universe while you were really, really drunk one night. It was one thing to have a sudden loss of memory, but he did not want risk seeming delusional.

It was around then that the counselor gestured to Frank, and Frank brought out a medium sized cardboard box that Gerard had noticed in the car earlier.

"I asked your husband to bring some mementos from home, to see if they might give you the extra push you need to help you remember." Shultz explained, "Hopefully if we can get one memory going, they'll trigger other memories as well. Lets um... let's start with the moment you two decided to quit your band."

Frank nodded and retrieved from the box what looked to be a wristband. Upon closer inspection, Gerard saw it was a hospital wristband. And it had his name on it.

Frank stared at it with an odd look on his face before turning his attention back to Gerard. He held his breath and began to tell him a fascinating tale.

* * *

><p><em>Frank Iero paced back in forth in the small hospital room. He was scared, scared out of his mind for his friend that lay in that bed. He had seen far too many of his friends end up like this. And there was no doubt Gerard had escalated into possibly the worst case of alcoholism Frank had ever seen. He did not know how he was going to face losing another. Especially one he had begun to have feelings for. <em>

_'I never even got to tell him..', Frank thought to himself._

_He watched Gerard's little brother Mikey, seated next to Gerard's bed. He was sobbing his eyes out. Poor kid. He must be traumatized._

_See, just about an hour ago, they had played a show in Newark...not very far at all. There had been an after party. They did their usual rounds of drinking and smoking, getting both high and wasted. Yet tonight, Gerard seemed to have taken it just one shot of vodka too far. _

_At first he had just seemed tired out, but Frank noticed he was breathing weird. Before he could say anything, Gerard just went into a full blown seizure in front of everyone. Mikey had been right there. Frank remembered how he was panicking, screaming for someone to help his brother. Someone did call 911, but once help arrived, the scene had exploded into mass hysteria. _

_People had ran for it, hiding their stashes and scrambling out the windows. A couple of people trampled on Gerard while he was still choking on his own tongue, which added to the damage. _

_They got him to the hospital soon enough. The physician had diagnosed a case of alcohol poisoning. Just one shot too many. And here they were._

_"I just never thought...I never thought it would happen." came Mikey's voice. Frank literally jumped. Mikey never talked much - and now he was opening up to him? Well, Frank wasn't about to discourage it. _

_"You never thought what would happen?" Frank prodded. _

_"I always heard all this shit about the rockstar life and the drugs, sex, and rock and roll... you know, all that stuff." Mikey said thoughtfully, "And it's like those after school specials about teen pregnancy or getting an STD... you understand it, but you never think it's going to happen to you or anyone you care about - until it's too late..." As he trailed off, the pitch of his voice got higher, indicating that he was ready to burst into a fresh wave of sobs. _

_Frank walked over and put a hand on his shoulder, squeezing it encouragingly. _

_"It's okay, Mikey. He'll be okay." Frank reassured him without knowing for sure, "I mean maybe this isn't the point where it's too late, maybe this is the point of warning before it gets too late. Maybe this is just the beginning of a second chance."_

_"Even if it is, it's not going to change anything..." Mikey sniffed miserably._

_"You should have more faith in your brother than that. He's a smart guy Mikey." Frank told him._

_"I know that!" Mikey said almost angrily, "It's not him! I mean ever since we got into this band, it's always been about this kind of stuff. Everywhere you turn, people are shoving cocaine and rum in your face..I can't blame Gerard for getting hooked on it. He's not superman and I know he's under a lot of pressure. Even if Gerard wanted to stop drinking, all the other stuff won't change. And it feels like the more famous you get, the worse it gets! I don't know, it just feels like there's nowhere to go but down..." _

_"That's not true. There's always an option." _

_"Like what?"_

_"Well, you could not be a band anymore."_

_Mikey looked at him with a shocked expression in his bloodshot eyes. He seemed to consider it for a moment before shaking his head, "Gerard would never agree. He seems finally happy."_

_"This is what you call happy?" Frank gestured towards Gerard. "I mean I've been thinking of getting out too. I know that being a big rock star is the dream and all - but is it worth your brother's life?" _

_Suddenly, Frank heard a noise. He turned his attention to the bed. Gerard was waking up._

_"Gee!" Mikey grinned, the color finally returning to his face. _

_"Mikey." Gerard rasped out happily. He saw Frank and looked slightly surprised. "Frankie." He smiled. _

_"Hey buddy." Frank smiled back at him. "Welcome back."_

_Mikey looked from Frank to Gerard, who were both staring at each other with equal curiosity. Mikey then got up from the chair. _

_"Umm..I'll just leave you guy's to talk. I told mom I'd call her when you woke up anyway." Mikey excused himself, rushing hurriedly out of the door. _

_"He was worried about you." Frank told Gerard as he sat down in the chair Mikey had been occupying. _

_"What the fuck happened?" Gerard groaned, holding a hand to his head. _

_"You drank a bit too much there. You got alcohol poisoning and you started seizing. So someone called an ambulance." _

_"Oh." was all Gerard had to say. _

_"I was worried about you." said Frank out of the blue._

_"Well thanks for the concern?" _

_"Gerard... you're alcoholism is getting really bad." Frank pushed on. "I think it's time something needs to change." _

_"I know, I know. I just - I don't know Frank. I'll be fine. I'll just drink less after today and - "_

_"No, Gee. You always say that! I mean something needs to really change this time."_

_Gerard just stared at him. After a moment, Frank saw Gerard's eyes begin to water. His shoulders shook a little. God these Way brothers were crybabies. Still, Frank thought it was a little cute. _

_"It'll be okay. I can help you. I - I really like you Gee."_

_"I really like you too." Gerard said rather casually._

_"No Gerard.. I um, really, really like you. Like..like you, like you." Frank blushed, realizing how juvenile that sounded. _

_"Oh." was again Gerard's response, but his expression was that of a surprised one. Then he smiled. _

_"I think I like you, like you too." _

_Frank chuckled and reached out to hold Gerard's hand. Gerard squeezed it, looking at Frank with trusting eyes. It was then that Ray and Mikey came back in the room. Mikey eyed their joined hands together, and then turned away bashfully as though he had walked in on them having sex. Frank rolled his eyes and beckoned them forward. As they walked over, Frank announced "Guys, I think we have something to talk about." _

* * *

><p>"..And the rest is history." Frank grinned at Gerard.<p>

Gerard was shocked. He remembered that show in Newark. He remembered having been offered a couple of extra shots. He remembered turning them down because he was trying to impress this girl. Is that what changed his entire life? One fucking shot of vodka?

"So, Gerard? Anything?" the counselor asked. Frank looked at him hopefully.

"No." Gerard frowned, hating to crush Frank's spirits, "..but I'd love to learn more."

* * *

><p><strong>Next chapter: Finding Lindsey.<strong>


	6. Half Full

**Chapter Six: Half Full.**

"It's cute you guys are doing this, really. I can't remember when was the last time you and Mikey had a little slumber party." Frank teased. Gerard nodded uncertainly as he put on an outfit.

It was not a complete lie - Gerard was indeed planning to possibly stay over at Mikey's house, but they had a certain concert to attend before he did so. He hadn't lied - he merely excluded a detail, right?

Mikey had only recently called to say he was on the way. Gerard was not entirely sure why he was doing this. He knew Lindsey would not recognize him either way. Maybe he partly hoped she would somehow. Maybe he hoped that the power of love was strong enough to break the boundaries of different dimensions. Maybe he just wanted to see her and feel a bit closer to home. Maybe he just missed her. This Gerard still loved his wife - that was not something that was going to change overnight.

"He's here babe!" Frank informed him as he peered out of the window.

Gerard nodded and grabbed his backpack that had the stuff he might need. As he went downstairs to go meet Mikey, Frank followed him.

"You have your medicine? Your cellphone? Your toothbrush?" Frank nagged at him as Gerard hurried to leave. Mikey honked his horn impatiently from the driveway.

"Yes babe!" Gerard said in exasperation. He turned the doorknob, but Frank stopped him. Gerard seemed slightly annoyed, but his expression softened when he turned around. Frank was packing him what looked to be a lunch bag.

"I packed all your favorite munchies, just in case they don't have anything good to eat." Frank handed him the bag.

Gerard chuckled. "Thanks Frankie.", he said before they shared somewhat of a long kiss. As he left, Gerard wondered why Frank would think Mikey's place had nothing good to eat. He shrugged it off and hopped in the car.

* * *

><p>The floor shook as people jumped up and down to the sounds of Mindless Self Indulgence. People screamed along the lyrics. Mikey stared at his brother, who seemed transfixed on nothing else but the band's bassist.<p>

Yet it was not just Lindsey that Gerard was feeling nostalgic about. It was the entire scenario, really. The scenario of a concert, of a rock show. He had already missed it so much. It felt amazing to be here, just for that. It took him all of his willpower not to run up on stage and start singing.

He watched Jimmy Urine instead, who still had the spiky hairdo, blasting out obscenities at the audience. A black haired, pigtailed Lindsey stood around smirking, flirting with the audience as she knew she was the candy of the band.

Meanwhile Gerard just stood in the audience like everyone else, hoping to catch her eye. It felt strange, going to a show and not being approached by crowds of people. Not getting any special treatment. Going to a show and being there for the music, and praying to the gods that maybe - just maybe - you might get some interaction with the legends that ruled the stage. Gerard had forgotten what that felt like.

However, Gerard did know the band a bit more than most people there. Therefore, he also knew the best ways to meet them.

So, when the show was over, Gerard dragged Mikey out to where the backdoor was. There were a few other fans there as well, perhaps people who had met the band before. Mikey put up a bit of a fit (seems he was not that impressed with the band to begin with), but nonetheless waited with him for about an hour. Finally, the door opened.

Immediately Gerard and Mikey were squished by younger, more aggressive kids who tried to get at the band. Gerard looked around and saw Jimmy, Kittie.. and at last, Lindsey. His heart pounding in his chest, he tried to make his way over to her. It was difficult, with all the people clambering to meet her as well.

Gerard could not help but feel a little angry. Didn't these people know this was his wife? Well of course they didn't, Gerard corrected himself. Still, it was quite annoying that someone he had worked so hard to build a strong relationship with was someone he had to now wait in line to even say hi to.

Finally, Gerard got up close to her. Her scent was the same, intoxicating scent she always had. Like cherries. She was as beautiful as ever. Radiant after having played a show and being surrounded by her adoring fans. Gerard couldn't help himself - instinctively, he reached out and grabbed her by the arm.

"What the fuck?" she screamed. "No touching unless you ask first! Fucking pervs.."

Lindsey threw him one of the dirtiest looks he had ever seen.

"I - I - um, I -" Gerard stammered, realizing he was making a fool out of himself. Still he squeaked out, "Lindsey.. don't you remember me?"

"No." She said coldly.

"Well um..." Gerard did not know what to say, so he simply blurted out the first thing he could think of.

"I love you." he blurted out.

She rolled her eyes at him. "You're way out of your league, kid."

It was then that Jimmy came over, and for a moment Gerard thought that it was to his rescue. In the other reality, Jimmy always had his back. He had saved him in awkward or bad situations countless times, and Gerard often looked to him for guidance. However, Gerard was about to get a tough reminder that this reality and that reality were two different things.

For when Jimmy came over, he came to Lindsey's side instead, asking "This guy giving you problems babe?"

"Nah, it's nothing." she scoffed.

Jimmy threw him a suspicious look, then proceeded to grab Lindsey by the waist and kiss her deeply. Gerard's jaw dropped, his heart sank, and his hands curled into fists. Choosing to get out while he still had an ounce of control, Gerard just ran off, leaving Mikey screaming after him.

* * *

><p>On a sidewalk not too far away from the venue, Gerard sat sobbing. His experience had left him feeling heartbroken and humiliated, and it was even worse that there was no one to blame other than himself. Why did he ever have to make that stupid fucking wish? Why, why, why?<p>

"Because at the time, it was in fact what you wanted."

Gerard looked beside him to see Kenneth sitting next to him. He still had the same clothes on, and the same smug smirk.

"You again!" Gerard yelled. He wondered if the bystanders around him saw what he was seeing, or if it looked as though he was just talking to himself. Either way, he did not care. He was far too angry to care about anything right now.

"Calm down, dear boy, you're going to make a scene." Kenneth laughed.

"Calm down? Calm down? You've ruined everything! The woman I love is in that building, and she doesn't know who I am! And she's fucking one of my best friends, who also doesn't know who I am, and you want me to fucking calm down?" Gerard stared at him with wide eyes.

"Gerard Way, do you never see your glass half full?" Kenneth sighed.

"Not when some guy fucking comes along and murders my entire reality, no!" Gerard threw his arms up in frustration.

"Think about that though, Mr. Way. Is it I who murdered your reality? Or is it you who murdered this reality?" Kenneth raised an eyebrow at him.

"Gerard!"

Gerard looked behind him to see Mikey running up to him.

"There you are!" Mikey yelled as he approached his brother. "I've been looking everywhere for you. What the fuck happened back there?"

Gerard looked to side to see that Kenneth was gone. He sighed and got up, blinking back more tears. He didn't want to alarm Mikey. He said, "It was nothing - but I'd like to go back home please.."

"To my house?"

"No, to Frank."

Mikey looked at him apprehensively before nodding. He knew something was going on with his older brother but he knew he wasn't going to get it out of him if he didn't want to talk.

"Okay, Gerard."

* * *

><p>"Gerard, what's wrong baby? What happened?"<p>

An alarmed Frank Iero held a sobbing Gerard Way in his arms. He had no idea what was happening. Gerard had just showed up unexpectedly and collapsed into him, crying loudly.

"Fr - Frankie... I'm so sor-rr- rryyy..." Gerard wailed.

"Sorry for what honey?" Frank frowned as he stroked Gerard's hair, trying to get him to calm down.

Gerard could never truthfully answer that question, so he simply cried more until he could muster out the words, "I - I don't wanna talk about it..."

Now, what Gerard didn't know was that this was not that unusual. As this Gerard still dealt with bouts of depression, Frank had become used to Gerard feeling miserable for no apparent reason. Meanwhile, what Frank didn't know was that Gerard really did have a reason, but just couldn't tell him.

So Frank took a deep breath and did his best to try to heave Gerard back upstairs and to their bedroom. Once he got him there, he coaxed him into laying down on the bed. Frank then pounced on top of Gerard like a puppy on its owner.

"It's okay sweetie. I'm going to make it alllll better." Frank reassured Gerard. He gave him a loving kiss on the forehead, and then began to undo Gerard's belt buckle.

Gerard suddenly stopped crying, his sad expression exchanging for a surprised one as he realized what was about to happen. Frank was undressing him slowly but surely, teasingly tracing his fingers over Gerard's skin. Gerard shuddered from the sensation. Frank seemed to know every sensitive area. Gerard felt himself getting erect.

Frank's fingers worked down to his aroused genitals, and Gerard moaned. Frank pulled down the boxers that concealed him, and Gerard blushed as Frank exposed him. Of course, this Frank must be used to seeing Gerard, but this Gerard was not used to being seen by Frank.

Frank then proceeded to flick his tongue playfully on the tip of Gerard's penis. Gerard gasped and moaned again, unable to stop himself. Frank wrapped it in its entirety with his mouth.

And soon enough, Gerard could not even remember Lindsey's name.

* * *

><p><strong>Next chapter: In the next counseling session, Gerard learns a valuable life lesson.<strong>


	7. Session II: Ordinary Hero

**Session II: Ordinary Hero**

They had arrived for another counseling session. This time, Mikey had joined them. Evidently, Mikey had been concerned about the incident at the concert. So, he had called Frank and asked about what had been happening with his brother lately, without disclosing as to why he was asking.

Frank filled him in on the counseling sessions, and what the neurologist had told them. Mikey asked to come, wanting to help in any way he could. And here they were.

It was annoying to Gerard, really. How Mikey and Frank would converse about Gerard right in front of him, as though the concerned parents of a small child. He mentioned it to Frank, who then corrected him in saying, "Well at least we're concerned, loving parents.", which did not amuse Gerard in the least. In fact, it was beginning to be one of the reasons he wanted to go home. His real home.

* * *

><p>They sat in the lukewarm office, each in separate armchairs. Gerard sulked like a moody adolescent in his while he watched the counselor writing more notes about him.<p>

"Why don't we try his last graduation?" the counselor then said.

Frank nodded and got out something framed from the "memento box". He held it up for the room to see. Gerard leaned in for a closer look. It appeared to be some sort of college diploma. This too, had his name on it.

Frank approached Gerard, cleared his throat, and began to explain.

* * *

><p><em>Frank watched from the audience as his long term boyfriend Gerard Way sat amongst the other graduates that were gathered in a crowd by one end of the stage. Even this far away, he could tell how nervous Gerard was. Maybe it was just intuition. They both knew what was about to happen, and Frank thought how scared his poor baby must be. Gerard had not been on a stage since that night he ended up in the hospital. He tried to catch Gerard's eye.<em>

_To his relief, he saw that Gerard was looking at him too. Frank gave him a reassuring smile. After that, his intuition felt Gerard's nervousness go down at least a little. _

_Finally, the man at the podium announced, "And now, here is class valedictorian Gerard Way, with a few words about his fellow classmates." _

_The rest of the audience applauded politely, but Donna, Mikey and Frank stood to cheer loudly. As he walked to the stage, Gerard looked at them and grinned. When he took his stand behind the podium, his head held high, the sense of pride Frank felt was overwhelming. _

_Gerard waved sheepishly at the crowd before beginning: _

_"Well, if you're listening to me talking right now, you're either graduating right now, or you're attached to someone whose graduating, or you're in the wrong room..."_

_Scattered chuckles could be heard around the audience._

_"..I could stand up here and tell you how things are going to be better, and the futures going to be bright for all of us - but I have things to do, and so do you, so I'll keep this short. _

_A lot of us will fail in a lot of goals that we set, but despite that, we will succeed in things that will make us better people. I'm not here to tell you to reach for the stars, if it's your destiny to touch them, you'll do it. If it's not, then you're like most people. I guess if you remember anything that I say tonight, it's that if you don't reach a star, don't consider yourself a failure. Don't lose hope. We all succeed in what we're meant to do in the end. _

_When I was a young boy, I wanted to write children's books. When I was a young adult, I wanted to be a rock star. But in the end, I found my place as a professional in the medical field, and I consider myself as a success. Because even if I did not do any of those things professionally, anyway, I leave here tonight knowing that I have a bright future ahead of me, a bright future that will help not only myself, but the people I love..."_

_For the second time that night, Gerard caught Frank's eye. _

_"...and to me, that is as much success as I hope to ever achieve. Still, I sing when no one's listening, and write a little on the side. And I can see a story unfolding right here. Your story. It begins with the sentence: Once upon a time, a bright group of students graduated from Citrus College... the rest, is up to you. _

_Thank you, and have a great night everybody." _

_Gerard left the stage upon massive explosion of cheers and applause. While Gerard never had very many friends at the school, everyone respected him for that moment, and that could be felt all around the room. _

_He returned to the stage not that long after, this time to receive his diploma. Donna was crying, Mikey was furiously taking pictures, and Frank was just savoring every moment. Because that was his man out there, and his man was truly amazing -_

* * *

><p>"...wait." Gerard interrupted.<p>

Every head in the room turned to Gerard, all seeming slightly annoyed at the intrusion.

"I'm sorry..." Gerard started, unable to control himself. "... but that is just SO uncharacteristic of me!"

"Why do you say that, Gerard?" the counselor asked, writing on his notepad as he spoke.

"I - I can't - I mean, it makes no sense!" Gerard raised his voice in his confusion, visibly alarming Mikey. "All I've wanted to do since I was younger was inspire people, help them! How the hell am I doing that by doing some 9 to 5 job? I mean, it's not even like I'm a fucking doctor or even a nurse, I'm a fucking pencil pusher! That's what the whole point of being a rock star was - giving people someone to be inspired by! I'm not inspiring anyone this way, and if I'm not helping people then_ no_, I couldn't have been a success!"

The room was silent for a moment, no one really knowing what to say. Surprisingly, it was Mikey who piped up next. He pulled out something from his pocket. It was a ring. He looked up at Gerard and said, "I brought something too.."

* * *

><p><em>Mikey sat in his brother's room, as Gerard helped wiped the tears from his eyes. His shoulders shook a bit more, and Gerard continued to hold him as they sat on the bed. <em>

_"How do you think they'll react?" Mikey asked in an unusually high pitched voice._

_"Well." Gerard sighed, "Mom will be fine with it, Mikey. I mean...she already knows she has one gay son, and she's come to terms with that. She'll love you no matter what. Dad... dad will not take it so well, but you know - who cares about that? It's not his life. It's yours. You and Ryan will be out of here soon. And then you don't ever have to speak to him again if you don't want to." _

_"He hasn't spoken to you at all.." Mikey whispered._

_"No, he hasn't." Gerard confirmed._

_"And you're okay with that?" asked Mikey._

_"Of course I would want things to be different." frowned Gerard, "But I can't change the way people think Mikey, neither can you. No one can. We come from a religious family. I have to respect that, as well as accepting what they're against. If I can't, then I'm just a hypocrite. I mean, the whole argument is that we should allow people to live their lives the way that they want. Dad hasn't done anything really other than show that he disapproves. And, I have to respect that. I mean, yeah I could try to make him see things my way - but then, wouldn't I be just another person forcing their beliefs on someone who doesn't want them?"_

_"He hit you when he first found out!" Mikey argued, still fuming at the mere memory of it._

_"Okay, yes - I admit that the initial shock of it was pretty bad. But I mean, he's fine now. He doesn't bother me and I don't bother him. And I'm okay with that. Mikey, my point is - in the end, it's your happiness that matters. Only yours. Because people come and go, Mikey that's just how life is. One day, dad won't be here, mom won't be around, hell, I might not - "_

_"Don't say that." Mikey interrupted._

_"- sorry. Either way, you need to do what's right for you. There will always be people against you, and you can't do anything about that. In the end, all you can do is look out for yourself and the people who you really love." _

_"Ryan is getting really impatient with me. He wants us to move forward, he's been begging me to tell them. But dad, he - he just reacted so bad when you and Frank told him you guys were together. I just - he's our father you know? He raised me. I don't want him to hate me. I don't want to alienate him." Mikey cried._

_"Yeah but Mikey, when you find someone you love, someone you want to spend the rest of your life with - you have to make sacrifices. Big sacrifices. But one day, when you and Ryan are old and have a house on a hill overlooking the countryside or some shit like that - you're going to look back and you're going to realize those sacrifices were worth it." Gerard said softly._

_"Do you think telling him about you and Frank was worth it?" _

_"I love Frank, and I want to spend the rest of my days with him. So yes. It was worth it. Do you love Ryan?"_

_"Of course. He's everything to me, Gee."_

_"Then you're going to go out there, and you're going to tell our family that you're a proud homosexual whose found the man he loves. And don't worry, I'll be behind you all the way..."_

_Mikey looked directly at Gerard for the first time since they had started talking. This entire time, his heart had been filled with such terror. He had felt like a shaking little boy who was afraid of getting grounded by his parents. But when he looked right in Gerard's eyes... something...something in them completely took the fear out of him. Something in their hazel depths told him 'I'll protect you.'_

_Mikey had always looked up to Gerard, and this moment reminded him exactly why. Despite his depression, despite everything that had happened to him, Gerard never cowered in the face of terror. He was always proud of who he was, and never faltered in his passion. This was why his brother was his hero. _

_He nodded slowly, breathing erratically. Gerard smiled at him, and helped him off the bed. _

_"C'mon." he said simply, and gestured for Mikey to take his hand. Mikey grabbed it. Together they walked out into the living room, where a family dinner was being held. Ryan and Frank were there as well. _

_Mikey cleared his throat. Gerard squeezed his hand gently, and Mikey felt an unfamiliar surge of courage course through him. _

_His parents both looked at him. Their father caught his eye. Mikey did not break the eye contact, and began to speak. _

_"Guys, I have something to tell you. And I want you all to hear it." _

* * *

><p>"...we were in engaged the same night." Mikey said, still looking down at the ring that he had been stroking. Finally Gerard realized its significance.<p>

Frank was teary eyed. He himself had never heard this story before. He remembered Gerard being with Mikey in their room that night, but Gerard had never spoken of what went on in there.

Mikey then turned to Gerard and smiled, "See, Gerard? You don't need to be a big rock star to inspire people. You don't need to be up on some stage to get your message across. It's the little things you do that inspire the people around you. You inspired me to come out to our parents, to the world, when I was fucking terrified. I don't think I could have ever done it without you. Ryan and I would have probably broken up, because I'd have been too much of a coward. But you saved us, Gee. So how can you say you haven't helped anyone?"

Gerard did not know what to say. The Gerard in this existence sounded like an amazing human being. Yet it was so mind blowing to think that they were in fact the same human being. All it took was a little change to make all the difference in the world.

As two people who clearly loved him more than he has ever known stared at him with looks of concern and hope, Gerard only wished he knew what the better Gerard would do now.

* * *

><p><strong>Next chapter: Gerard gets to do something he's been dying to since he awoke that fateful morning.<strong>


	8. Sing It Out

**Chapter Eight: Sing It Out**

It was Saturday at last. Gerard embraced the weekend, glad at the idea of not having to go in for another day at that awful job. Mind, most of what made it awful was simply the fact that he had no idea what he was doing, but he was starting to get the hang of things. Mostly it involved entering in statistics. Filling out paperwork and going over forms. An extremely boring job, but Gerard found it paid surprisingly well.

Anyway, they had apparently been invited to dinner with some friends. Gerard was uncomfortable at the idea of going out with any friends of theirs, as he did not want to make a fool out of himself in front of even more people. He reminded Frank that he was struggling with his memory, and Frank had given him a hug and told him he didn't have to talk much if he didn't want to.

So, the time came, and soon Gerard found himself shifting nervously in the passenger's seat of their Toyota Camry while Frank drove them to the restaurant.

They arrived at around 8:30. After parking, Frank got out his cell and called whoever they were meeting.

"Hey, we're here." he informed. "Where are you guys?... Oh okay, we'll meet you there in a minute... Later."

He hung up and gestured to Gerard. Together they got out of the car and went into the restaurant, entering a waiting room. A man waved them over. As they came closer, Gerard saw that this was a couple they were meeting. A rather handsome man with shoulder length brown hair had his arm wrapped around a small, mousy type girl who didn't really look like she wanted to be there. Frank hugged them both. Gerard merely smiled at them both politely, as he was unsure as to how he normally reacted to these people.

They had to wait for a table, so they spent a bit of time chatting in the waiting room. Gerard noticed Frank was very friendly with this man, whose name was evidently Adam. After a while, Gerard could also tell that Adam was not entirely straight. Gerard could not help but feel a little uneasy as he watched the two exchange pleasantries, finding himself tugging at Frank's arm now and then for no apparent reason. "What is it baby?" Frank would ask him. Gerard would consider being honest, but he shied away from that, replying with embarrassed "Nothings." instead.

So when they were finally called for a table, Gerard was more than relieved.

Upon entering the restaurant, he saw that it was a much smaller joint than it had appeared on the outside. It seemed as more a bar than an eatery. Still, it must have been popular as it was very crowded. Gerard saw that most of the people present were of the younger crowd, artistic types to be specific.

They were seated in their booth. After they had ordered drinks, Frank and Adam continued their chit chatter - much to Gerard's dismay. He drummed his fingers loudly on the table, as both a show of nervousness and perhaps a slight cry for attention. However, once attention was directed at him, he found himself regretting it instantly.

"So, Gerard, how have you been? How's work?" Adam grinned at him. The girl and Frank both looked at him as well, and Gerard blushed, unsure of what to say. Of course, a simple "Good." would have probably sufficed. However, the knowledge that he was trying to hide his lack of memory caused him to over think the questions - rendering him a stuttering mess once more. This time however, he could not even manage to stutter, for his mouth would merely open and close shut repeatedly with absence of sound.

Frank looked at him sympathetically before trying to explain, "Gerard's fine, he's just been feeling a bit under the weather. Has a bit of a sore throat."

"Oh you poor dear." Adam tutted, reaching out to pat Gerard on the hand. Gerard refrained from glaring at him, his dislike for the man increasing minute by minute.

They all ordered their food soon enough. Gerard was forced to be silent most of the time, not wanting to blow Frank's cover of having a sore throat. He noticed that the girl, named Aubrey, did not speak much either. Probably miserable for having a husband who likes men more than her, Gerard amused himself with the thought. But as Frank broke in hysterical laughter at Adam's last joke, Gerard suddenly found it more annoying then amusing. He decided that Frank liked this guy way too much.

Of course, deep down, he knew that he was just jealous. Gerard was an easily jealous person, and he had grown to know the feeling all too well. Still, for the most of the night, Gerard still pointed mental fingers at everyone else for the feeling of nausea in the pit of his stomach. And then, to top it all off, toward the middle of the meal, a horrible sound met Gerard's ears.

Someone was singing, and singing terribly! He looked around and his eyes were met with a platform with a mic stand and some speakers on it. The mic was in the hands of a young woman who was up there, trying to sing a rendition of "Do You Believe In Magic?". The sound boomed loudly against everyone's ears, broken only by the shrill screams of her girlfriends that made themselves known in a table not too far from theirs.

This was fucking terrible, Gerard thought. He looked at a flyer by one of the windows and saw that it was indeed karaoke night. Which he normally would not mind, except that the was used to being surrounded by good singers.

When the woman stepped down, Gerard sighed with relief. Surely, no one could do worse than her.

The next person to come up was some middle aged man with a large beer belly, who didn't bother to dress in anything more than a wife beater and stained pants. He sang "Do You Like Pina Coladas?", and Gerard found himself covering his ears again. Mind, he wasn't as bad as the last one, but still pretty damn bad.

He looked at Frank and Adam, who seemed to be poking fun at the singers. Yet Gerard could not see how this could be fun at all. Unable to take it for much longer, after the third terrible singer, Gerard excused himself.

He had intended to go to the bathroom. He had no idea how he ended up on the platform. He wasn't aware he was there until he walked straight into the mic stand.

Gerard looked around him. The entire restaurant was staring at him. Never mind the fact that Frank was giving him a mixture of shocked looks, he had an audience. There was a mic in front of him. Hesitantly, as though reaching out for an illusion, he grabbed the mic and plucked it from its stand. He looked around again. People were waiting. Waiting for him to sing, to do something. Here, he felt the closest to home he had since he entered this reality.

"Hello, Vermont." He proclaimed into the mic. "We've - I mean, I've never been here before but -"

"Kid." the bald restaurant worker interrupted him, "Just sing would ya? We got other people waiting to use this thing too ya know."

"Oh, right, sorry..." Gerard hung his head shamefully. He chose a song and got ready to belt out notes. He'll show these people what real singing is. He's Gerard fucking Way, after all.

Suddenly, familiar intro notes blasted through the room. A couple of guys cheered. He took a deep breath, and started to sing, not even bothering to check if it was on cue.

"She was a fast machine, she kept her motor clean! She was the best damn woman that I ever seen!  
>She had the sightless eyes, tellin' me no lies - knockin' me out with those American thighs!"<p>

Without even noticing his actions, Gerard began to throw in some dance movements. A reflex, he supposed, as he swayed his hips and flirted with the audience - who was clearly enjoying this. His voice did catch the interest of some, and it enticed him. It was like a calling. Gerard could not help himself - he was born to perform.

"Takin' more than her share, had me fighting for air, she told me to come..." he sang as he struck a coopertone baby pose, "..but I was already there!"

For a moment, he glimpsed Frank. He did not look mad, merely baffled. Confused, as though for the first time, he was looking at Gerard and thinking - this isn't my Gerard. His heart slightly sinking at the idea, Gerard averted his gaze.

The feeling that consumed him at the moment was so amazing, Gerard did not want to lose it. Especially since he was starting to wonder if he was ever going back again. True, Kenneth had said he had had the option - but Gerard could not deny, the idea of staying was peeking into his mind more and more each day. Still, he had to be that singer. It was in his blood. It was how he poured out his heart. It was how he dealt with stress, which he had quite a lot of as of lately. It was who he was.

Feeling more and more empowered by the music, Gerard began to strut into the restaurant as he sang. People were actually beginning to clap along.

"...And you, shook me all night long! Yeah, you shook me all night long!"

He swayed over to their table. His first intention was to gather Frank but Adam crept up on him instead. While Frank backed away in alarm, Adam got up and joined in with Gerard. Although Gerard had been growling internally at the man less than an hour ago, stage Gerard had now completely taken over. And just like a werewolf with bloodlust, stage Gerard could not tell friend from foe. He had one goal and one goal only - and that was to put on a show. Give the folks what they wanted to see. If it was to be with this Adam fellow, then so be it.

It was Adam who gave the first touch. Just a simple graze, really. But that was more than enough to give Gerard the rush he needed. Gerard was of course, still aware that Frank was there, and just like with Lindsey, he tried to refrain from stepping over his boundaries. So Gerard merely snaked an arm around Adam's back. Adam then placed an arm around his waist. Soon, they found themselves practically groping each other, none the less to a song about sex.

"You really took me and you, shook me all night long! Sing it with me everybody!" Gerard held up the mic, happily jumping up and down.

"Oaaaaaahhhhhh you shook me all night long!" nearly the entire restaurant sang in unison, including the waiters and cooks.

"Yeah, yeah, you! Shook me all... night... loooong!" Gerard screamed that last part, earning immense cheers from complete strangers. Those cheers washed over him like that feeling you get when you first walk into an air conditioned room on an extremely hot summers day. He could breathe again. Completely seduced by the music, he let it take him - only hoping Frank wouldn't hate him too much before the night was through.

* * *

><p>"What the fuck was that?" was turning into the question of the night.<p>

Gerard and Frank had a walk after dinner when Frank decided he wanted to talk. They strolled around the area, going into a lovely little park. They spent the rest of the evening trying to figure out Gerard's actions, which, now that the thrill of the stage had worn off, Gerard was not even sure he knew himself. Surprisingly, Frank was not particularly angry. Which confused Gerard more than anything else. The Frank he knew was very quick tempered, and had this been him, Gerard would have received a few punches in the face by now.

"I'm sorry, alright?" Gerard sighed, "I just - I haven't sang in a while and I thought it would be fun."

"Okay, first of all." Frank argued as he looked down at his shoes, "You almost never sing anymore to begin with. And definitely not in public. And even then, that isn't really the issue. You know what I'm talking about Gerard, don't play dumb with this."

"No, Frankie, I don't know what you're talking about! Please do clarify!" Gerard threw his arms up in exasperation.

He looked up ahead. They were reaching a small river, with a bridge up above it. It was a very pretty sight. The moonlight shone onto the river beautifully. The bridge was made of cobblestone, and it was rather high up above the water. Something about this bridge looked familiar.

"Why were you touching Adam so much Gee?"

"What?"

Gerard barely even remembered the handsy man from earlier. To Gerard, the antics he had done with him were merely part of the act. He had been a stage prop.

"Nothing, he touched me first. So I just kind of went with it, but it's not like I did anything that bad!" Gerard crossed his arms defensively. He nearly said 'It's just like the stuff you and I used to do, and Lindsey never had a problem with that!' but he bit his tongue just in time.

"No, you didn't, but it's Adam." Frank looked at him as though that one statement was supposed to help him make sense of the entire conversation.

"So?" Gerard raised an eyebrow.

"You don't remember?" Frank's shoulders slightly slouched as he looked at Gerard's clueless expression.

"No, I'm sorry." Gerard frowned.

"Well, I'm exhausted and I don't really want to go into details right now." said Frank. "But he's bad news, honey."

He and Gerard stopped walking when they got to the bridge. Frank leaned against it, looking down into the water with a contemplative expression. Gerard could see that he was remembering something, and it didn't seem like anything pleasant.

"Then why are we friends with him?" Gerard asked as he leaned against the bridge too.

"He's nice to see once in a while. But he's just one of those people you shouldn't um... get too close to. You should be careful around him. Besides, we were just meeting him tonight to get some information about another adoption agency. That's why I was being so nice." Frank shrugged.

"Oh. I understand. I guess." Gerard nodded, now slightly embarrassed at his thoughts from earlier.

"Still though..." Frank shifted uncomfortably, "You only used to sing for me..."

Frank trailed off and began to walk away. Gerard followed him, and they ended up on the other side of the bridge, only to be surrounded by more trees.

Gerard reached out and grabbed Frank's shoulder, spinning him around. "I'm sorry..." Gerard pouted, the guilt evident on his face. He hadn't meant to hurt Frank. He just didn't know. Just like he didn't know a lot of things. It was so frustrating. Singing was just his way of getting attention. Gerard had for a long time now felt as though it was his only way of getting attention. Who would pay him any mind otherwise? There was nothing special about him when he wasn't singing. Another reason why he shouldn't stay here.

"Hey, hey, hey...don't cry." Frank said softly as he stroked Gerard's face. Gerard had not even been aware of the tears streaming down them. "It's okay, Gee. It's not a big deal, really."

"You're mad."

"I'm not mad."

"Why not? Why, why have you been so understanding this whole time? Why are you so nice to me?" Gerard blurted out questions that had been itching at him, not even bothering to check if they made any sense or not.

"Because I love you, Gerard. With all my heart. I could never be mad at you. Don't you feel the same?"

Gerard hesitated before he answered, and hoped Frank did not catch it. Yes, he did love Frank. That would be true in any and every reality. Still, he was not entirely sure if he was in love with Frank. He was a married man whose heart belonged to someone named Lindsey Ann Ballato. Yet, as he looked at the beauty of Frank in the moonlight, and saw the affection in his eyes, he could not deny that that had begun to change quite some time ago.

"Of course, I feel the same Frank." Gerard replied, feeling there was no sense in breaking the poor boys heart with an uncertain answer.

"Good." Frank grinned, and without warning, he tackled Gerard down into the grass. Now that was more like it.

Gerard laughed as Frank pinned him down, suddenly showering him with kisses wherever he could reach. "Frankie!" Gerard whined playfully, and he wrestled with Frank for a moment. Gerard tried to dominate Frank so that he was on top, but he was overtaken when Frank crashed his lips onto Gerard, slithering his tongue into his mouth. Gerard moaned with pleasure and returned it, now letting their tongues do the wrestling instead.

They laid there entwined in each other for hours. Frank stroked Gerard's hair, and Gerard buried himself in Frank's chest. Now this was an unfamiliar feeling to Gerard. He felt very far from home here. Yet he had to admit to himself, he liked it.

He remember Frank's words from earlier. "You only used to sing for me." Feeling like he suddenly knew how to make this right, he opened his mouth and tried something...

"If there's a place that I could be, then I'd be another memory. Can I be the only hope for you? Because you're the only hope for me..." Gerard sang softly. Frank stopped stroking him when he began, looking down at him perplexedly. "Gerard..?" he whispered, turning the boy's face up towards him. Gerard smiled at him and continued, now stroking his own hands through Frank's hair.

"...and if we can find where we belong, we'll have to make it on our own. Face all the pain and take it on, because the only hope for me is you, alone."

"What song is that?" Frank said with awe.

Gerard shrugged, "I just um... kinda made it up..."

"You're so amazing, babe." Frank grinned as he pulled Gerard closer to him.

"Well, duh." Gerard teased.

Frank smacked him playfully.

Gerard laughed.

They embraced each other under the night sky, never wanting to let go.

* * *

><p><strong>Next chapter: Gerard discovers something horrifying.<strong>


	9. Session III: Love And Loss

**Session III: Love and Loss**

The counselor had clearly begun to lose his patience. He began to remark that the treatment did not seem to be working, and that he was ready to try some medications. Frank, hesitant to put Gerard on any more meds, insisted they try a few more recollections. Getting desperate, Frank and Mikey decided to pull out a big one.

"Our wedding." Frank said as he removed a ring from his finger and then slammed it down on the table in front of Gerard as though it were a hard piece of evidence in a court case for murder.

Gerard then looked at his own wedding ring for the first real time. He was so used to wearing Lindsey's, that he really hadn't paid much mind to it until now. It was unnoticeable compared to all the insane changes that Gerard had been going through lately, after all Gerard had always had a ring there anyway. It never occurred to him that the ring was different. Yet looking down on it now, it was different. Still only very slightly in its shape and form, but he then removed it and looked at the inside of it. There was an engraving. It read:

_Gerard and Frank Way: __the best dreams happen when you're awake._

Huh? Gerard raised an eyebrow. Well that didn't even make sense. None the less, he looked at Frank, who was ready to begin his story.

* * *

><p><em>Frank stood still, and tried to calmly smile at all the people seated before him. Yet on the inside, nothing about him was calm. His heart was racing, his palms felt sweaty, his breathing erratic. Had he not been aware that he was about to be married, he would have asked someone to call an ambulance for a myocardial infarction! Yet he was aware, and he had expected it. How could he not, when he was moments away from being wed to the most beautiful person on the planet?<em>

_"You okay man?" his best man Ray muttered to him from his side. _

_Frank nodded frantically, and was about to speak a response but then - the music started. Frank straightened himself immediately, staring intently down the aisle. _

_And soon enough, there he was. Gerard Arthur Way. Frank had joked with him a few times about getting him a wedding dress for kicks, which he obviously declined. Still, as Gerard walked down in his suit, Frank couldn't think of how he could possibly look anymore radiant. Gerard's dad had not shown up to the wedding, but it would seem Mikey had agreed to walk him down the aisle instead. Frank frowned as he saw Gerard's eyes darting towards the audience at his sides, as he knew Gerard was still hopeful Donald had come. Frank hated that man. _

_Still, this was no time to think of those that they hated. This day was about him and Gerard. This day was about love. Their love. And nothing was going to stop Frank from making sure it was perfect._

_Finally, Gerard reached the alter. Frank stretched out his hand, which Gerard took and squeezed, an optimistic smile on his face. They both faced the minister, who began the service. _

_It came time to say their vows. Gerard and Frank faced each other, both showing equal nervousness. Both of them were not the type of people who liked to declare their inner most thoughts in front of a crowd of people, but that's exactly what a wedding was supposed to be. Gerard went first._

_"Frank Iero. F__rom this day on, I declare you to be my husband. But that doesn't change a thing. _

_As I have the past I five years, I promise to live with you and laugh with you; to stand by your side, and sleep in your arms; to be joy to your heart, and food for your soul; to bring out the best in you always, and, for you, to be the most that I can. I promise to laugh with you in good times, to struggle with you in bad; to solace you when you are downhearted; to wipe your tears when you cry; to comfort you when you're sad; to mirror you with my soul; to share with you all my riches and honors; to treasure you as much as I can until we grow old; and, still loving each other sweetly and gladly, our lives shall come to an end._

_I love you, Frankie. And nothing would make me happier than spending every waking moment of my life with you. And only you. For as long as I live." _

_Frank smiled at him and stroked his hand as he spoke. When he was done, he inhaled deeply and began his own, feeling as though it would never match the beautiful poetry Gerard had just spoken. Still, he would try, as he meant every word of it._

_"My sweet Gerard__. I __love you. You are my best friend and will be forever. Today I give myself to you in marriage to be your husband. I promise to encourage you, to laugh with you and to comfort you in times of sorrow. I promise to cherish and respect you. I vow to be true and faithful for as long as we both shall live. _

_Because of you, I laugh, I smile, I dare to dream again. I look forward to spending the rest of my life with you, caring, loving and being there for you in all life has for us. I will always be the person that you can trust, talk to and the person that will always understand. My home is in your heart. These promises I give you today and all of the days of our lives. Our love has given us wings, and our flight is only just beginning." _

_He could Gerard was trying not to laugh. Frank was terrible at this kind of stuff. He grinned goofily himself, feeling slightly embarrassed. Still he also saw the tears that had begun to form in Gerard's eyes. _

_They were sharing such a moment of love, that Frank almost wished the ceremony were over already. That everyone would leave and they had nothing more to do, so Frank could cradle Gerard in his arms while they shared a mug of hot chocolate._

_Still, the show had to go on. And so it did. They went through all the formalities, and went into even more at the reception. They had their first dance, to the song By Starlight by The Smashing Pumpkins. It was Frank's favorite part of the wedding, because it was the first time he really got to hold Gerard close to him all day. And then during dinner, the first speech was made. A call for attention was made, and everyone turned to see best man Ray Toro standing from his seat. _

_"It's been an amazing day hasn't it? It should be, because Gerard and Frank are two amazing people and together, they go beyond amazing. Together, they are indescribable. I have never seen any couple like them. So really, amazing is the least of what they deserve. _

_Sometimes, I don't feel like I deserve to be friends with such awesome people. But they're my best friends, and I'm overwhelmed with emotion to see them joined in marriage today, after all they have been through together. I see a lot of people get married, all the time, but never have I been so sure of one relationship. _

_That one night when Gerard was in the hospital, and we were talking about quitting the band, I was hesitant. I will admit. Gerard was a good friend of mine, and I was a bit protective of him. We all were and still are. I was worried because I felt like this could be a mistake. I was thinking of whether or not Gerard would be able to be happy without the band. Whether or not we were making this decision too quickly._

_But all my doubt died instantly when Frank pulled me aside, and he told me 'I love that man. I know your scared, but don't worry. I wouldn't be doing this if I didn't have a good feeling about it. I'll take good care of him.; and I watched him that night. Gerard and Frank just spent the whole night talking with each other. And the more I watched Frank, the more I could see it in his face, in his eyes, in his actions - Gerard was in good hands. _

_Five years later, and here we are. Since then, I have seen that love grow nothing but stronger and stronger each day. I can't wait to see what will come of it in ten or twenty years. To Frank and Gerard, may you two know no boundaries."_

_Ray raised his glass, and so did the rest of the room. Shouts of "Here! Here!" echoed throughout. Shortly after the toast, people began banging their utensils against their champagne glasses, which could mean only one thing. Frank and Gerard turned to each other, smiled, and shared a deep kiss amongst many cheers._

* * *

><p>"Frank." Gerard said suddenly, as it only occurred to him now.<p>

"Yeah?" Frank looked at him, seeming hopeful that he might be having a break through.

"Where is Ray?" asked Gerard.

"Gerard..." Mikey interrupted, a look of surprise on his face. "Ray's dead."

"WHAT?" Gerard gaped.

"He died of a drug overdose, along with another member of his band..." Mikey explained.

Gerard didn't want to hear anymore. The room spinning, and his heart in his throat, he mumbled a quick "Excuse me..." and ran out in the middle of the session. Frank called out at him soon after, but Gerard just kept walking, not knowing where he was going to go. He just knew he could be there. He couldn't be here anymore.

"Why the fuck did you tell him that?" Frank could be heard snapping at Mikey back in the counselor's room.

"I think it's something he ought to know!" Mikey argued.

"Jesus, you want him to go through this all over again? It was hard enough the first time!"

Frank glared at Mikey before he ran out after Gerard, praying to god he wasn't going to do anything drastic. Not again.

* * *

><p><strong>Next chapter: Gerard tries to cope, but new issues arise.<strong>


	10. Guilt

**Chapter Ten: Guilt**

Gerard walked the streets aimlessly. He could tell it must have been around midnight by now. It had been hours since he left Mikey and Frank. He was lost, he knew. Still, even if he did know where he was, he did not know if he would go back.

The tears had stopped coming. Now he just felt drained. Dead. Tired. That feeling of defeat you get after you've just sobbed your heart out. More than ever, more than anything, he wanted to go home. Home as in where he was Frank was just Frank, Ray was alive, and his wife and daughter visited him once a day through Skype.

He felt slightly guilty. He knew Frank and Mikey must be worried. In his old reality, Mikey and Frank always did fuss over him a lot. The Mikey and Frank in this one, however, seemed to fuss over him even more that they did - to the point where it had become suffocating.

A horn blew behind him. Gerard spun around to see a car pulling up. Their car. Frank parked it and motioned for him to get in. Well, it would be rude for him to keep on walking. Especially since he guessed Frank must have been looking for him for some time now. Gerard walked over and got into the passenger's seat.

Immediately, he felt Frank lunge himself at him. Embracing him tightly. Gerard tried to return the hug, although the positioning was a bit awkward as they were in the car, divided by the cup holders.

"Jesus Gerard..." Frank muttered into his shoulder, "Don't ever walk off like that again... you have no idea how scared I was..."

"I'm sorry...I just..." Gerard did not know how to explain himself.

The truth was that he really just did not want to be here anymore. In this reality. Most of the changes he could have dealt with, at least for now. Some though, like not having Bandit around, and now discovering that he may never see Ray again, was too much for him to comprehend. It was truly one of those moments where you only realize just how much something meant to you, once you no longer have it.

Still he had grown to love this Frank as well, and Gerard feared that going back would only leave him with the same feeling. Trying any of the things he did with this Frank with the Frank in his other life, would only result in that Frank laughing in his face. Not that he blamed him, of course. Different experiences made them different people. Still Gerard often saw similarities here and there. Like passion. And love. When he really thought about it, this Frank was just the other Frank - just without the tough exterior.

"...I just can't believe it." Gerard continued on finally, "How can Ray be dead, Frankie?"

"I know sweetie, I know." Frank soothed him. "Ray just never left that old lifestyle ya know? His bandmates, they were all into drugs. Ray was careful, but in the end, the cocaine still got him..."

Gerard was beginning to cry again, so Frank got out of the driver's seat. He went over to the passenger's side, took Gerard out and he placed them both in the backseat where he could coddle Gerard properly. Then more relaxed, Gerard wept openly.

It hurt. It hurt like it was real, even though he knew somewhere, Ray was alive. All he had to do was wake up from this place.

But how could he leave the man who was gently stroking him, whispering warming words into his ear? The man who had shown him more love than Lindsey ever had? Then anyone ever had? It also hurt to think he might break Frank's heart.

Frank blessed his forehead with a soft kiss, and Gerard gripped him tightly. Eventually, Gerard's sobs died down and Frank was able to let him go.

He looked out of the windows. There were shady looking people wandering about the sidewalk.

"We should go home now Gee. It's getting late." Frank told him. Gerard agreed. They both got back into their original seats, and Frank started the car and pulled away.

As they drove home, Frank began to scold Gerard about having walked off. This annoyed Gerard slightly. He did not enjoy being treated like a child.

"I know how to take care of myself Frankie. You didn't have to come chasing after me." Gerard crossed his arms huffily.

"I know, Gerard. It's just you were so devastated when Ray had died. I didn't expect your reaction to be much better this time around." Frank explained as he made a right turn, "I just didn't want a repeat of... Well anyway, I want you to take your meds when we get home."

"A repeat of what?" Gerard turned to Frank, suddenly extremely attentive.

Frank mentally smacked himself. Damn boy doesn't miss a thing.

"It's nothing. Really, Gerard."

"No, tell me."

"Gerard, it's nothing."

"Frank!"

Frank sighed. If he knew Gerard at all, he knew how stubborn he was. He would not give this up. He bit his lip and began to explain.

* * *

><p><em>An angry Frank hounded Gerard after they had come home from a night out at the bar. Gerard retreated to their bedroom quickly, but Frank just stomped in, slamming the door loudly behind them.<em>

_"Babe, it meant nothing!" Gerard tried to explain to Frank the billionth time that night. _

_"Then why the fuck were you touching him at all Gerard?" Frank screamed at him. _

_"We were just dancing! He asked me to!" Gerard pleaded._

_"That didn't fucking mean you had to fucking say yes!" Frank scolded him. _

_"I'm sorry! You dance with Steven all the time and I don't say anything!"_

_"Th- that's different!" Frank crossed his arms defensively._

_"How the fuck is that different?" Gerard inquired._

_"DON'T FUCKING LIE TO ME GERARD!" Frank roared, "I fucking know you like Adam! You've liked him ever since you two fucking met! Every fucking time you slut yourself out to him like a desperate whore!"_

_Gerard's jaw was on the floor. Finally he burst into tears, becoming very desperate indeed. _

_"PLEASE FRANKIE! It meant nothing! I love you! Only you! You know that!" Gerard cried. _

_Frank's chest was heaving. The fury he felt was intense. Part of him was screaming for this to stop. He knew he was taking it too far. Gerard hadn't really done much wrong. At the bar, Adam had been touching Gerard more than Gerard had been touching him. Even then, it was just a little flirting. Still Frank was always both a very jealous and angry man, and he had not much self control. He had secretly hated Adam and Gerard's friendship for a long time now, and all that pent up loathing was unleashing itself full force. _

_"I don't fucking care what you fucking say Gerard! Just keep your fucking legs closed next time, yeah?" _

_"Frankie... please... don't be mad at me..." Gerard pouted and walked over to Frank, ready to try to pull him into a hug. Frank pushed him down roughly. Gerard screamed._

_"You wanna act like a whore, be ready to be treated like one." Frank muttered._

_Gerard was now reduced to a tearful little ball in the center of the room, cowering from his husband's fury. Frank's heart sank a little once he really took in the sight, so, he mustered as much self control as he could, and left. He went to the couch to sleep that night, automatically assuming he wouldn't be welcome on their bed. _

_Frank awoke early the next morning. He recalled the night before and a huge amount of guilt hit him like a speeding train. He knew he had to make this right. _

_Not bothering to get dressed, Frank head out to the store. He got all the ingredients he would need. He returned home later, ready to prepare Gerard's favorite breakfast. He was going to give it to him in bed, as long with a well rehearsed apology. _

_At first, when Frank came into the bedroom, he thought Gerard was still asleep. Then he saw that his eyes were open. But something didn't look right._

_"Gee?" Frank prodded, "Honey?"_

_Frank came closer. When he was finally close enough to see Gerard's face, Frank screamed and dropped the tray and its contents all over the floor. _

_Gerard's skin was deathly pale. Drying vomit lined his lips and spilled over the corners of his mouth. His eyes looked as though they were open in shock. And in his hand, was what must have been nearly a hundred pills._

_"GERARD!" Frank screamed, running to him. "Gerard..oh god... oh please... no..." _

_He checked his pulse. It was there, although extremely slight. Frank immediately called an ambulance. Afterwards, all he could do was hold Gerard's hand and sob as though he had already lost him._

_"Please, baby, don't do this to me... please, I love you so much... I'm sorry, I'm sorry..." _

* * *

><p>Gerard stared at Frank. He seemed unable to continue.<p>

"What happened after that?" Gerard asked. "You don't have to go into detail."

"You turned out okay, obviously." Frank went on. "I um... I took some anger management courses. I - I promised you I would never yell at you again."

Suddenly, Gerard was able to connect the dots. The reason for all the coddling was now very clear. Recent events flashed through his mind as though a movie trying to piece everything together.

_"..It was nice, really. Finally getting to catch up. I worry about you, ya know? I'm glad to know that you're doing okay..."_

_"...he was in fact still dealing with clinical depression, and that he took medication to try to stabilize it. But sometimes, they did not help..."_

_"...He's nice to see once in a while. But he's just one of those people you shouldn't um... get too close to. You should be careful around him..."_

All the "are you okay?"'s and the looks of concern finally made sense. It made sense as to why Frank never got angry at him. And Gerard now knew why Frank had so desperately come out to find him. They all thought he was on some constant verge of committing suicide again. They felt guilty.

"So all this.. all this affection, all this worry... is just out of guilt?" Gerard said quietly.

"What? No, of course not Gerard!" Frank scoffed.

"Well now that I think about it, almost everything you've done seems like it's been out of guilt. You love me... because you feel guilty."

"Gerard, that is the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard you say!" Frank argued.

"How can I trust that anything you say is just because you don't want me to kill myself?" Gerard asked him.

"Because I love you! After all these years together, how could you possibly say it was out of guilt?" Frank said, hardly believing his ears.

"I don't know... I don - Frank, slow down the car." Gerard warned him. They had started going at a rather quick speed, and Frank had stopped paying attention to the road due to the intensity of the conversation.

"It's like I don't even know you anymore.." Frank shook his head, now not paying attention to anything Gerard was saying. "I mean I understand you're having problems with your memory, but now you're just making false accusations. God, Gerard, are you getting delusional?"

"Frank, slow down the car!" Gerard yelled, their current topic suddenly far from his mind.

And then, out of nowhere, a swerving car made a left onto their street. They were on the right lane. They had been going so fast, there was no way to stop. Gerard tried to think quickly. The driver was obviously drunk, and weaving in and out of lanes at an incredible speed. He was going to hit Frank's side. Making up his mind, Gerard reached over to the steering wheel, and swerved their car as far to the left as possible. Caught like a deer in headlights, Gerard heard Frank scream his name before the car plowed into him.

Incredible pain ripped through him like a lightning bolt, and finally, it all went black.

* * *

><p><strong>Next chapter: Gerard's decision.<strong>


	11. Deal With The Devil

**Chapter Eleven: Deal With The Devil**

When Gerard awoke next, he could barely awaken at all. He could not lift a finger, let alone his eyelids. He knew this feeling. He was under a heavy sedation. As he concentrated, he could hear the monitors beeping. He was in the hospital. The next sound he heard was the sound of faint crying. Frank. The accident came flooding back into his mind.

Gerard so desperately wanted to ask Frank if he was okay, if he was hurt anywhere. But he could not move his mouth to speak, nor did he think he would be able to summon the words if he could. However, from the little he could remember, the car had hit him for the most part. Frank should not be too injured.

_"Your husband is fine."_ Gerard heard a voice say.

At first he thought it was Frank or one of the doctors speaking. The voice however, was very familiar.

"Kenneth?" Gerard thought to himself.

_"Yes, Mr. Way, it's me."_

"Are you in the room? How am I hearing you right now?"

_"I am around in a sense."_

"What do you want?"

_"You made your decision. It's been over 2 months, Mr. Way. Mind, you did not successfully kill yourself. But I can fix that. At the moment, you are barely hanging on to life. "_

"Wait, what? No! I did not kill myself! I was just trying to protect Frankie!"

_"Yes, by altering the car so that it hit you instead of him. Even though a rash decision, you still killed yourself. It was your choice. You made it."_

"That is bullshit."

_"Rules are rules, Mr. Way."_

It was then that Gerard heard the crying next to him intensify. He felt something lightly touch his hand. Frank had begun to talk to him. It was very difficult to focus on what he was saying, as he was heavily medicated. Still, he was able to make out most of it.

"Baby please... please, stay with me. I love you so much sweetie. Please… fuck… don't make me go through this again... I'm so sorry... I'm so fucking sorry I didn't slow down when you told me to... I'm sorry I yelled at you... this is all my fault... oh god...Gerard...I don't think I can make it without you...please... please stay with me..."

'Oh Frankie...' Gerard mentally sighed. If he could cry, he would have. His heart wept with Frank instead. It felt again as though the Gerard that had lived through this reality was suffering alongside them.

"Isn't there anything I can do for him?" Gerard tried to ask Kenneth.

_"Nothing. Yet what should it matter? Soon, he won't even really exist to you."_

"...I, I have to say I don't know how I feel about that, Kenneth."

Again, Frank's cries broke through to him. "God Gerard...if you don't make it...I'll... I'll just die...please...I'll do anything...I'll never yell or scream at you again...I'll cherish you every fucking day... I can't wake up without you next to me...I can't...I CAN'T! I fucking need you, Gee!"

It was then that Gerard focused, and he told Kenneth sternly, "...no. I want to stay here."

_"My dear boy, your choice has already been made. There's no taking it back."_

"NO! I WANT TO STAY HERE!"

_"Out of curiosity, why the sudden change of heart? Hmm? Not very many weeks ago, you were just begging to go back."_

"I - I..."

_"Yes, my boy?"_

"..I love him. I do. I fucking love him. I can't do this to him; I can't leave him like this!"

_"I see. Well touching as that maybe, I don't like people playing around with my rules, Mr. Way." _

"I don't fucking care Kenneth! He needs me. I'm staying. Please. You already fucked me over once; don't do this to me again. Please...I need to stay."

_"And what are you willing to give me, in exchange for this abomination?"_

"Anything."

_"Even, say, your soul?" _

"..Yes."

_"Alright. It's a deal, Mr. Way."_

* * *

><p>Mikey Way walked into his brother's hospital room with another batch of comic books. He'd brought a few more of Gerard's favorites to read to him. He walked past Ray, who was texting someone on his cell phone.<p>

Mikey had not spoken to Ray or Frank since that horrid night on the tour bus, where they had pressured Gerard into drinking that cup of alcohol. It was a bit silly, he knew. Still that one cup of alcohol led him to more cups, which had led him to alcohol poisoning. Gerard had been left in a coma since, showing no signs of recovery.

Immature as it was, Mikey stood on the grounds that Frank Iero and Ray Toro murdered his brother.

He waved hello at Lindsey and Bandit, who were in their usual positions by Gerard's bedside. He took his usual seat by them and wondered bitterly where the asshole he used to call a friend had gone.

Sure enough, Frank Iero came through the door looking worn and tired. Mikey could not help but feel a little sorry for him. Jamia had said he had barely slept in weeks. Mikey knew the guilt must be eating at him, which he felt was both sad yet deserved at the same time. Frank put down his usual can of coca cola and took a seat next to Ray.

They had done this for nearly every morning since Gerard had gone into the coma. They would gather around, eat some breakfast in his room. Some of them would talk to Gerard if they had something to say, hoping that he might hear it. And then they all went about their usual day's routine. Still, sometimes Mikey would stay when everyone else had left. Sometimes Lindsey would too.

Mikey would begrudgingly admit that Frank had done this the most. Mikey had once checked on his brother, and had seen that Frank was there, hours after they had all gone home. He had heard singing, and rushed into the room. He was startled to see that Frank had been singing to Gerard, as he stroked his hand lovingly. Mikey had very seldom heard Frank sing offstage.

Today, however, was different. For around 3:00 PM, the stand still they had been stuck in for the past two months was suddenly broken by a horrible noise. The steady beep that had been coming from Gerard's monitor had slowed down. No one had noticed really, until finally it changed into a slow and steady flat line.

"Doctor?" Lindsey ran out the door screaming, "DOCTOR!"

Everyone was on their feet instantly. Little Bandit looked around, confused by all the sudden hysteria. Her eyes darted to her father, and her expression showed that she knew something was wrong.

A medical team rushed in, and poked and prodded for a while. However, their efforts were futile. The sound of the flat line rung loudly in everyone's ears like nails on a chalkboard.

"He's gone. I'm calling it." the doctor said simply. "Time of death, 3:12 PM."

Lindsey had collapsed on the floor and was screaming heart wrenching screams. Bandit looked at her frightfully and Ray picked her up in his arms. Although he could not have been of much comfort as he was crying loudly himself. Frank was in a similar state as Lindsey.

Mikey was stoic. He did not cry, or break down as everyone else had. Instead he stood there in shock, only feeling his heart and his spirit being torn apart bit by bit within him.

"What... what happened?" Mikey was only barely able to whisper loud enough to be heard.

"I don't know kid. It's a bit weird. It's like he just... gave up." the doctor shrugged.

Mikey took in the doctor as he spoke. He didn't even seem to care. There was a coldness about him, which Mikey disliked. Did he not realize that his brother, his best friend just passed away?

The doctor must have seen this, as his expression softened a bit. He patted Mikey on the shoulder.

"I'm sorry for your loss Mr. Way. I know this is very difficult for all of you." He looked to Frank, who now had his face buried in his hands as he screamed repeatedly into them. "I'm going to give you a few numbers for some grievance counselors you may want to try out. And I'm always here if you have any questions."

"Thank you, Dr. Robertson." Mikey muttered his gratitude.

"Please, call me Kenneth."

"Right. Kenneth."

Kenneth smiled at him and gave him one last pat on the shoulder before leaving the room. Mikey watched his tall form go out of sight before turning his attention back to his brother. He walked over to his bed and sat on the edge. The nurse looked as though she might say something, but perhaps she understood, as she thought second of it.

In the corner somewhere, he could hear Bandit asking Ray why everyone was crying. What was wrong with daddy. Everyone was too trapped in their own agony to answer. Mikey tried to lie next to his brother. He stroked his familiar hair and kissed him on the forehead. And finally, then, he began to cry too.

Yet, Mikey noticed something. Gerard's face had carried an almost troubled expression in the past weeks. Mikey had shrugged it off, sure he was imagining it. Still, now that he saw Gerard's face close to him once more, the troubled look was gone. Gerard actually looked peaceful.

Dead, yet peaceful.

Mikey comforted himself with the idea that perhaps he had moved on to a better place.

* * *

><p><strong>Next chapter: The conclusion. :)<strong>


	12. Epilogue

**Epilogue**

"C'mon Gerard, we're going to be late! Ryan and Mikey got there ages ago!" Frank nagged at his husband, who was still stuff a few things in their picnic bag.

"Alright, alright, I'm comin..." Gerard mumbled as he tried to fit in one last bag of Lay's kettle cooked chips. He got the other bags and head off towards an impatient Frank.

"You got the Twinkies?" Frank asked.

"Of course." Gerard confirmed.

"Sweet." Frank grinned. Gerard chuckled at his husband's eagerness for the pastry, and they set off together.

Left in their vacant bedroom was the momento box. It had been collecting dust since Gerard's counseling ended. At the very bottom of the box were two VIP passes for a concert. They held a memory that had been left untold.

* * *

><p>It was the weekend after Gerard's graduation. Donna had given them tickets to a Green Day concert as a surprise graduation gift, which included a meet and greet after the show. Frank and Gerard had been excited beyond words.<p>

Yet as they waited in line, moments away from meeting one of their favorite bands, Gerard found himself extremely nervous. So nervous, he sort of just wanted to go home. He had not been able to prepare much to say, as the gift was given as a surprise, and he had not been given any time.

Fortunately, the agonizing wait was short lived. Soon enough, Gerard found himself walking in to a bright room. And low and behold, the members of Green Day sat around on a couch, eagerly greeting their fans.

It was not long before he found himself face to face with Billie Joe Armstrong. Sweaty, yet still looking like the god he was, he smiled at Gerard warmly. Gerard found himself unable to even say so much as a "Hello.", being in awe of his presence.

"Hi." Billie started off for him, "What's your name?"

Shit. Suddenly, Gerard had forgotten everything. Including that. After a moment's thought, he did manage to remember it.

"G - Gerard." he stuttered nervously. He blushed through his embarrassment. How could he have ever done some huge speech, when he could barely manage to say his own name?

"Hello, Gerard." Billie shook his hand. "Got something for me to sign?"

"Wha - what? Oh yeah!" Gerard came to his senses, bringing out the poster he had brought. Billie took it and signed it for him.

As he wrote, Billie looked at Gerard again. He studied him closely, and Gerard tried to keep his cool, despite his rising nervousness.

Finally, Billie said, "Have we met before? You look awfully familiar."

Gerard did not know how to answer that. He almost wanted to say yes, just to keep the interaction going, even though he would certainly know if he had met Billie Joe Armstrong before. Instead he just stood there silently, his eyes wide.

Billie laughed.

"Perhaps in another life.", he said.

He handed Gerard his poster. Gerard took it graciously, and Billie moved on to his other fans. Gerard stared at him for a while, star struck, until he felt a tap on his shoulder. Frank was next to him, smiling.

"You ready to go home?" he asked.

"Yeah." Gerard nodded.

He took Frank's hand, and they walked away together.

* * *

><p><strong>END.<strong>

_"All around me are familiar faces_  
><em>Worn out places, worn out faces<em>  
><em>Bright and early for their daily races<em>  
><em>Going nowhere, going nowhere<em>  
><em>And their tears are filling up their glasses<em>  
><em>No expression, no expression<em>  
><em>Hide my head I want to drown my sorrow<em>  
><em>No tomorrow, no tomorrow<em>  
><em>And I find it kind of funny<em>  
><em>I find it kind of sad<em>  
><em>The dreams in which I'm dying<em>  
><em>Are the best I've ever had<em>  
><em>I find it hard to tell you<em>  
><em>'Cos I find it hard to take<em>  
><em>When people run in circles<em>  
><em>It's a very, very<em>  
><em>Mad World"<em>


End file.
